In The Distant Past
by tsunderegirl99
Summary: Because sometimes, the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it. My take on Hayama and Yukino's past. What could have been and what could not have been. A bit of Hikigaya/Yukino at the end


Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu or any of its characters.

A/N: I noticed there wasn't a single fic on Hayama/Yukino/Haruno. I mean, isn't anyone curious? I sure want to know what's the deal with them! So, my curiosity got the better of me and I wrote this fic! This theory is something that just came to me a few days back. It may be completely wrong! Anyways, I hope you guys like this!

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

**_In The Distant Past_**

Because sometimes, the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it.

My take on Hayama and Yukino's past. What could have been and what could not have been. A bit of Hikigaya/Yukino at the end.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The first time they meet, Hayato doesn't know what to think of her.

On the evening before that day, his father had announced that his boss would be coming over the day after, along with his two daughters. One of them, he had included, looking at Hayato in a teasing manner, was of Hayato's age.

Naturally, as a good son, he had decided to try his best to put on a good impression, though he had not thought much about it. He was just in middle school, for God's sake. Girls had just stopped having cooties.

But cooties don't seem so important to him as he stands here now, looking directly at the youngest daughter.

He chokes on the polite greeting he had intended to say.

She is wearing a blue dress, a blue ribbon tied around the middle. Her hair are held in a single braid, blue clips on each side. She is looking her feet in interest, not having met his eyes even once since she had arrived. Her hands fiddle with the fabric of her dress as she stands.

And yet, he himself hasn't been able to look away even once since she has come.

"Hayato," his father calls, and he forces himself to look away from her, turning his eyes to his father instead. "This is Haruno-chan, the elder daughter. She's three years older than you."

He looks at the other girl, the one he has only glanced at once this whole time and smiles. The girl, he notes, looks like the exact opposite of her sister. She is wearing a pink dress, her hair being shorter in length than her sister's, held behind by a hair band. Unlike her sister, she meets his eyes, smiling back.

"Hello," she says, in a cheerful voice. "..Hayato-kun."

He relaxs, feeling at ease at the show of friendliness. At least one of them is willing to talk, he thinks, grateful. "Hi, Haruno-chan." He assumes that calling her by the first name is appropriate, as the use her last name would be weird, keeping in mind her father's presence.

With this kind of personality, he knows they will become friends fast. He looks forward to it.

"..And this," his father continues, looking pleased. "...is Yukino-chan, the younger daughter."

Finally, is what he thinks.

Now she will look at him.

Her father gives her an encouraging pat on the back and Hayato wonders if she is just naturally shy. But then, it suddenly doesn't matter anymore, as, for the first time that evening, Yukinoshita Yukino meets his eyes.

And pale blue is all he sees.

She looks uncomfortable and uneasy. He himself doesn't know how he should react. And so, an awkward pause takes over.

Her eyes are clear and he can see her discomfort dancing within them. And he doesn't know why, but he finds his himself transfixed. He can sense the fact that she is diffrent from others his age by just looking at her. She seems mature and yet, strangely reminds him of a doll. She and her sister contrast clearly, standing beside each other.

He fell his curiosity arise.

Sensing their hesitancy, his dad tries to cover up. "She's going to go to your school once summer break ends."

Surprise, surprise.

"It's nice to meet you," Yukino starts, in a small voice which completely suits her character. "...Hayama-kun."

He frowns at the way she addresses him. The girls in his class never call him by his last name. So, this feels weird.

She politely bows after speaking, and he can't help but think that it looks rehearsed.

"You too," he hears himself reply, firm. "...Yukino-chan."

And when he sees the surprised look sent his way, he knows that something is about to start.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_" 's daughters are both so pretty, huh?" his mother says, much later._

_"Yeah..." he finds himself agreeing, but he thinks about only one of them._

_The dinner goes well and he learns that Haruno can hold a really good coversation. Yukino is silent yet you can never quite forget her._

_But, three hours later, after getting to know the other sister quite well, it's easy to forget about the feeling he had had, the first time he had met Yukino._

_Tomorrow, they would meet again_.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Over the three weeks left before school starts again, he finds himself growing closer to the Yukinoshita sisters.

He learns more about them.

Haruno, as he soon finds out, is a born leader. She smiles and doesn't even let you notice that you are following her. It comes to you naturally. She's charming, always knowing the right thing to say and he starts to like her. Starts to prefer her over Yukino.

His feelings for Yukino become easier to ignore.

It's easy. Yukino is silent and speaks only when necessary. She clearly admires her sister, but she isn't liker her and Hayato cannot figure her out.

He thinks that both of them are putting on an act.

Haruno is like a puppet. She's been trained as the heir of a rich family. How to eat, how to sit, she's got it all written down. Nothing she does, he feels, is from her own heart.

Yukino is like a porcelain doll. She pretends half-heartedly. But, her moves are trained too. Behind the admiration for her sister, he can see the resentment she feels at being left behind. But, she's rarely genuine.

But, he and Yukino are the same. They both admire Haruno.

And yet, they can never catch up to that image that has been carved into perfection.

Hayato himself is like Haruno too. He has always just wanted to get along with everybody. That is the perfect way to live a good school life, isn't it?

But maybe, just maybe, he himself is like a puppet too.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_"Tomorrow 's the first day of school."_

_"..."_

_"Are you nervous, Yukino-chan?"_

_"...A bit."_

_"Ah, don't be, I am sure you'll be popular!""_

_"Yes, Yukino-chan will be a hit, surely!"_

_"...Nee-san..."_

_Sisters, he thinks. So tough to understand them._

_"Hayato will surely help!"_

_He blushes at use of his first name without a honorific and looks up at Haruno._

_"Y-Yeah, Haruno-chan."_

_The small frown on Yukino's face goes unnoticed by either of them._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Yukino, as it happens, is a huge hit amongst his classmates.

At least, at the start, she is.

An overseas student, and really pretty one too, she instantly becomes popular. The boys are already asking him about her. The girls befriend her, gathering all around her desk.

He feels relieved, having felt responsible for getting her settled in properly. Maybe it'll be alright, after all.

And yet, in less than a week, Yukino is eating lunch alone.

He frowns when he spots her at the back of the class, looking gloomy. The girls in the class are behaving the same as always, blatantly ignoring the lone girl. But, once in a while, he sees one of them shot a smug glance towards Yukino.

Ah, he knows what this is.

Ever since Yukino had asked, a lot of guys had already proposed. Some frivolous, others idiotic.

Every single one of them had been rejected.

Yukino had been polite, but blunt. She wasn't interested. She wasn't like the other girls, willing to go out with any suitable guy.

But being diffrent comes with a cost.

Some people hadn't taken it well. Girls, especially. They had probably deemed her arrogant.

He can see the bitterness coming from them.

Few of the boys are angry too. It is no hidden fact that he and Yukino are close friends. Their fathers work in the same company so, on occasion like business dinners, they often walked home together. Haruno came along too and Hayato liked those times best.

But, he doesn't want to cause any trouble. He just wants to get along with everyone.

And the situation with Yukino sure is not helping.

It's so much easier with Haruno.

Briefly, he wonders if Yukino is being bullied.

And finds himself walking over to her desk, feeling the stares on his back.

She glances up at him. And he sees it. In her eyes. Sadness.

As plain as day.

"Yukino-chan," he says,smiling. "..come over to my house later."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_That afternoon, he rushes home fast, tidying up his already neat room._

_He wonders why he is so nervous. It's not like it's Haruno who is coming over._

_It's just Yukino, right? _

_He feels worry take over him as he wonders abput the trouble others are giving her at school. Maybe he should try to help her out._

_Again, he thinks that with Haruno, it's so simple. He can pretend that they are both nice people who just want to get along with everyone. People who know what to say and when to say._

_But, with Yukino, he is forced to face his true self. And he doesn't want to do that._

_So, the closer he grows to Yukino, it becomes easier to ignore the true feelings._

_His admiration for Haruno stays._

_And then, the doorbell rings, announcing Yukino's arrival._

_And, despite his previous thoughts, his heart starts over again._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The lonely Yukino can be really adorable around cats.

It happens when he arrives at the Yukinoshita manor, it being Sunday, to spend time with the two siblings.

Yukino is standing outside the gates, with what looks like a stray cat held firmly in her hands. She seems to saying something, petting the cat as she speaks.

He considers spying on her. The sight is too much of a treat to let go.

But, the decision comes a bit too late. Yukino seems to have already spotted him, recovering fast.

The moment he steps in front of her, the cat jumps out of her arms, running into his, surprising both of them. He manages to catch it in time, blinking in confusion.

"...Hey," he says, looking at Yukino.

She seems to be frozen in place, her eyes still on the ball of fur in his arms.

"Yukino-chan?"

"...The cat. Give me the cat back, please." She sounds strangely sad and desperate.

"Eh?"

"Please."

"I don't know what you are talking about," he says, tilting his head ever so slightly. "I am not taking this cat away." On hearing his answer, she looks relieved. He tries to hand the cat back to her, but it digs its claws into his sleeves, refusing to let go. He looks back at Yukino helplessly, and much to his despair, he sees her make a disappointed face.

He cringes inwardly.

It's times like these that Yukino returns back to that shell from before. The perfectly carved doll stops showing even the slightest hints of genuineness.

He hates this.

He leans forward, gently placing the cat in her still arms, guiding them to be placed aroujd the cat. The cat makes a annoyed sound, but eventually makes itself at home. Yukino looks at him in surprise. He just shakes his head, stepping back.

"...Hold it like this. It'll stay." Yukino stares at him, an emotion he can't name hovering in her blue eyes. She stares, and stares, and...

And then she smiles.

The sudden action stuns him and he feels his breath catch in his throat.

And then again, he thinks, feeling a smile come on his own face. It's because she is like this, he admits to himself, that I treasure her smiles even more. Because, this is genuine. One-hundred percent.

Even if it doesn't last long. Because, when looks back at her, the smile has almost disappeared.

"Yukino-chan really likes cats, huh?" he asks.

"...Yes." comes the reply, her smile being just a ghost of it was before. "But, I am not really good at them like Hayama-kun."

"Ah, no, I am not really-"

"Nee-san is good with them too," she mutters, interrupting him. Her voice is filled with a strangely abstract longing and he wonders if it really is about the cat.

But that's how it is. Yukino who longs to be like Haruno, trying to catch up. Hayama Hayato who admires from far and yet tries to get closer. Two different intentions regarding the same person.

What a strange pair they are.

Briefly, he thinks that it feels good to be better than Yukino at something. And then instantly, the guilt crashes over him. That's not how a friend thinks.

He bumps shoulders with her, in an attempt to cheer her up. "...Yukino-chan will improve." It's not enough, he knows and he feels angry at himself for coming up with just this much.

She nods.

They sit in a comfortable silence.

And then, Haruno comes out of the house to look for them, cracks a joke or two and the mood gets better all of a sudden. Even Yukino manages a smile and he himself breaks into chuckles, forgetting all about his previous worries. They both are happy, always behind the person who they both admire.

Looking at himself and the other two, all messed up, he grins.

Shooting a secret glance in Haruno's direction, he decides that the easier way is the best, in the end. This could last.

This too, breaks.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"...Not there."

"Your shoes are missing again, Yukino-chan?"

"...Yeah."

The end of first year, and it's getting worse for Yukino. The fifteenth time her shoes are missing.

"...I don't know why they are doing this. Maybe you should talk it out." A lie. He knows the exact reason. He's just too cowardly to act upon it.

"...Maybe."

"A-Anyway, let's leave!"

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_It happens in the middle of second year. _

_"...I am sorry, Hayato."_

_"Haruno-chan?"_

_"Sorry, but I can't accept this."_

_"A-Ah..."_

_"Maybe Yukino-chan here can..."_

_"No!"_

_He glances in Yukino's direction, but she looks away, helpless._

_He bites his lip hard._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_"...Hey, Hayato-kun looks depressed these days, ne?"_

_"...Yeah, he and that Yukinoshita aren't talking."_

_"...Maybe she did something to him?"_

_"You don't suppose she rejected him?"_

_"No way. That arrogant girl..."_

_"You want to bring her feet back down to earth?"_

_"Hmm, sounds like a plan. Let's tell the others_.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Field trip.

He has a group ready, of course, but Yukino is alone. They haven't talked since that time. She has tried too talk to him, but to no avail.

He just can't forget that blunt rejection.

He knows it isn't Yukino's fault. And yet, he distances himself from Yukino as well. It hurts, he knows, for the both them.

But no, he can't forget that helpless expression on Yukino's face. She could have convinced Haruno.

The last night in the bamboo forest, he sees the girls beckon Yukino. They probably want to take her into the forest. He gasps, knowing what this is. He had been passing through, just roaming around and he spots them. He can see a few guys too.

Yukino eyes meets his and widen. They beg him for help.

She walks up to him. "Hayama-kun, they-"

He wants to help. He wants to go out there and help her.

He hates the fact that despite all this, he still can't go. Their classmates are watching them. He can see.

In the end, he really is pathetic.

"Sorry," he manages to say, his heart heavy. "...but there's nothing I can do."

He walks away, closing his eyes so he won't see her sad face.

The girls lead Yukino away.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

When school starts again, the seat at the back is empty.

"Yukinoshita is not well, today." This is what the teacher says.

Before he jumps to is feet and makes a rash decision, he reminds himself that they are not on good terms anymore.

All his fault.

When he sees those girls again, he's surprised at the amount of anger he feels.

He wants to shout at them. But he can't. So, he just smiles back at them, the ones feigning innocence.

But then again, so is he.

That night, his father questions him, worried. "I heard that Yukino is not keeping well. Do you know something?"

With all his strength, he shakes his head.

"No."

His answer sounds bitter to his ears.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He curls around himself on the bed.

Maybe he should have been honest from the start. Maybe he should have been true to himself.

That thing with Haruno had always been a game. They were both liars, always pretending.

It had been simple.

Yukino was different.

He wonders if he can ever fix things between the three of them.

The frustuated scream he cannot let out suffocates him.

He wonders if Yukino was the one he had liked from the start.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The next time they meet, she doesn't even look at him.

The air around her is different, everyone can sense it. They part as she walks up.

He just looks at her back, the little hope he had fading away.

And just like that, middle school gets over.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

When high school starts, everything has changed.

Yukino is acknowledged and she's not that shy girl anymore. She's just like before though, cruelly honest, but now, she doesn't hide that fact.

When they pass each other, she doesn't even acknowledge his presence.

"Yukino-chan" becomes "Yukinoshita-san and their previous relationship does not matter.

She's in the Service club with two others. The moment he sees Hikigaya Hachiman, he knows that it'll be different this time.

Their time has ended.

And she never even called him by his first name.

So much time has passed and yet, that night, in the same bamboo forest where it ended, when Tobe asks him about the girl he likes, he finds the name that is about to slip out of his mouth to be Yukino's, instead of 'Haruno'.

He wonders why.

And, he admits to himself, that maybe, just maybe, if he takes of his own mask once and looks in the mirror, he'll resemble Hikigaya.

Not that he'll ever do that, obviously.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

_"Nyaaa"_

_"Yukinoshita?" he asks, a bit flustered at such a rare site. At his voice, the cat jumps into his arms._

_"...H-Hikigaya-kun." Yukino stands up, managing to regain her composure. She gives him a look that suddenly makes him go cold all over._

_"Err-"_

_"It's true, after all," she says, finger tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Cats are attracted to rotten rats, huh?"_

_"...Ha? Are you so embarrassed that you can only insult me?"_

_"..."_

_And now she is full on glaring at him._

_"...He was good with cats too," she mutters suddenly, looking reminiscent._

_"Who?" Hachiman asks, wondering what she means by that._

_She looks up at him, startled, as if she had not expected to speak out loud._

_"...Let's go," she says, walking away in such a manner that it reminds him of an annoyed cat. The cat in his arms jump out and he swears he can see Yukino's tail swishing behind her, just like the cat's._

_"...Okay." His question goes unanswered, of course._

_Cats are attracted to rotten rats indeed._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

**And it's complete.**

**Sorry for any mistakes or for any OOCness. And by the way, if you guys have any theories regarding their past, please share...because, arghh, it's so unfair! I want to know!**

**See ya!**


End file.
